Just Kidding

I changed my mind... Sorry PuddingWife... You're probably going to gain a lot of dust and cobwebs. I'm leaving this blog in Jordan's Hands. I take back what I said about using PuddingWife as an art journal. That's now what PuddingWife is! So I did that elsewhere! Well That's it for now. I just felt an apology was in order for almost doing the unspeakable with PuddingWife.

Go America

Wow we've been gone for a long time...

Wow... We've... uh... we've been gone for a long time... My other project has just been time consuming... But as I attend BYU again this fall I will not forget the spot in my heart that Puddingwife once held... It will take time and effort that I am notorious at struggling to provide, but I will carry on with Puddingwife this fall, probably, but mostly as an art journal. So pretty much I want to see for myself how I improve this coming semester from this summer, from last year and so forth. If I do any more animation, then I will post that too. Most of my effort will probably continue to be on my other projects.

Til then I leave you, lowly and lonely puddingwife follower. I know that its been quiet here and that the cobwebs are starting to blur up the words. But rest assured, there is light at the end of the tunnel

"The night is darkest just before the dawn." (The Dark Knight)

Oh and Go America!

a feast fit for a Zombie King, ME.

ok guys, my week of binge drinking and orgies in honor of my return has sadly come to an end and I must settle down and actually do some work here. OK NEWS TIME CHILDREN. next week something major is going down. thats right I'm talking about the single greatest holiday known to man. FANKSGIBBING!!! YEAH!!

YAAAAAAY!

the name has officially been changed in all official puddingwife documents because no one cares about being thankful fuck that people just want to gourd themselves. So I, Jordan dark lord of puddingwife and surrounding bloglands, here by declare that from this day forth the holiday formerly known as thanksgiving will be called Fanksgibbing by all who fall under my rule.

ok now for why this is my favorite Holiday, and im sure Nicks favorite as well. I am a glutton and a hedonist. I enjoy food. not only do i enjoy food, I enjoy being able to eat enough food in one sitting that could feed a large African village for a mo

nth. Thats the true meaning of fanksgibbing ladies and gentlemen. This is the one time of the year where everyone who celebrates this holiday says "dear rest of the world I have a fuck ton of food, like a mountain and i could share it with you but instead i'm gonna eat it all and then throw up." Fanksgibbing is celebrated mostly in america, but other cultures have something similar as well. Germans have Oktoberfest which is fanksgibbing combined with a month of straight drinking. so basically drunken fanksgibbing that lasts a month, the Germans know how to do it. ok, children go out eat until you barf then eat some more, JUST BECAUSE YOU FUCKING CAN!

just like this fellow

Enjoy the holiday guys and i'll see you when i wake up from my food coma!

The Zombie is among us once more!

So I would like to just make something perfectly clear right now. Your moment of silence honoring our fallen comrade was not in vain. Jordan is dead! I assure you. But... He's sorta risen again... They have a word for this actually... ZOMBIE!

Now stop the complaint mail! I grow tired of the whining and name calling. And telling me what my name rhymes like is still not funny!

Ok, I just needed to make this perfectly clear. Jordan is still dead. He's just the first of the Zombie uprising that will soon occur. I hope you all have shotguns ready. Or maybe if you die soon enough you can fight on the side of the Zombies! That would be fantastic! I think I have a new goal in life... or in death... or in... post-death?

So Jordan is indeed back. Keep the date for it is an important one for the future of Puddingwife.

Go America!
Go Zombies!

HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION CANNOT STOP ME

ok, enough is enough. I'm fucking tired of what my beloved puddingwife has become. It is once again time for me to ascend to my dark throne atop a pile of dead puddingwife fans who sacrificed themselves to me. For those of you know don't know who I am. I am the all father of puddingwife. I am the great and powerful Jordan. Nick has mentioned my death before and I do thank him kindly for that, but my time of death is over. I have come back to claim my empty throne. I see Nick has done a lot of changing in my absence. He deleted some of my favorite posts and has gone through my other ones and edited the fuck out of them. yes nick i know your dirty fucking tricks. NOW you all shall see the opposite side of puddingwife. first of all WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE BACON BRA NICK, DAMNIT ALL TO HELL I LOVED THAT PICTURE. shit where was I. oh right telling you who the fuck I am. I am simply the dark side of pudding wife. I am an atheist (if that is a problem leave right now because my posts will be filled with it i assure you) I love to fucking curse. LIKE A FUCKING SAILOR. Now that all the weaklings have fled to their mothers I can get on with business. This blog needs more edge, all the edge that was here is now gone, so its time I bring it back. I hope you people enjoy me because I am going to be posting at least once a week. and if you dont like me then you are all nicks friends anyway and I probably don't care about you. SO BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW MASTER YOU PATHETIC WORMS. and also have a pleasant visit to our little piece of the internet.

oh also side note. Today the 13th of November, which happens to fall on a friday shall be celebrated as the day your dark lord has returned unto you. thats my holiday imput.

also again FUCK YEAH SLEEP DAY!

The year is 1976! Don't believe the lies of the media!

//BC = Before Christ

//AD = After Death

//Code initiating variables in separate classes

public static void main(String[] args) {

if(!BC && !AD) {

return null;

}

}

There we go. I just deleted 33 years of human history via Java. Which, since Java is how the Earth was coded, those 33 years are really gone (Either Java or Perl...(xkcd reference there)). The point is this whole 'Anno Domini' is not what I learned and I refuse to destroy what is concrete in my life. AD is After Death. And sure that means that during Christ's life there was no recorded time. But I'm ok with that. I'm pretty sure that Mark was supposed to be recording time but he got distracted. First by fishing... then by ministering.

So my life is returning to computers. I tried my hand at art. We all saw how that turned out! Not really I enjoy it as well, but computers is what I understand, and I'm only 2 months away from returning to my calling in life! I still remember my first attempt at a program. I believe it looked a little bit like this:

public static void main(String[] args) {

halo.build();

masterCheif.putOnHelmit();

}

It was a good idea, and would sure make programming a lot easier if that's all it takes to create a video game. It was just a matter of guessing the best video game name and saying: tetris.build(); and there it was! Whoever guessed the best names got the made the best games! It even rhymes! But no.... I believe all that programs like that produce is:

Aw yes.... Our friend the 'Blue Screen of Death'. O how I've missed you in all these art classes... Wait a second... having you was a terrible thing huh? I didn't miss you at all! But there is a lot that i do miss. Now don't get me wrong. I loved animation, and I still head down to the Animation lab and am working currently on a animation in COLOR! Yeah I'm serious!..... Ok settle down.... Its a lot to take in I understand.... Especially with that font....

Anyway, I'm just not the artist that getting into that program requires. So I found a loophole. I call it: Computer Science Major with an Animation emphasis! Fantastic! Pixar and not being an awesome artist?! Can life get better?! I doubt it! (I submit that it cannot!)

But back to the point of this article. We're in the 70's baby! (and not-baby's!) Now lets make one ground rule tho. Just because its the 70's does not mean that 'groovy' is acceptable. That, nor afros, nor soul! Ok maybe soul... But only the Commodores.... But the year you're thinking of was the 40's. You gotta accept that everything is the same, except the year. And this is scientifically true, based on my 4th grade math (which is always flawless). 2009 is way in the future. This is also why all of your computers still work. Rest assured, 2000 will indeed be the end of the world...

It's a hard transition, I know. But with enough work, I think we as humans can move on. Also, I apologize for the total lack of consistency or organization in this post. What? Do you think I plan these before hand? Is this the first post you've read or something?

Go America!

Black Friday

THANKSGIVING! This is the second most exciting upcoming event next to Laundry!, which will always top the charts on the feeling of excitement. Oh and in case you think that's a typo above but you should know its a real fact that you actually have to follow the word "Laundry" with a "!". Anyway, to show my excitement for Thanksgiving this year I decided to make a quick bar graph depicting some of my favorite things next to my excitement for this upcoming holiday. (Its important to note that this graph is measured in "fun units" aka units of fun, enjoyment, etc.)

As you can see, Thanksgiving is very high in my book. Especially because Cheez-its and Skiing define my existence, anything that even comes close is quite exciting. (Yes! My goal to use the word 'quite' in a post.... check!)

Even though Thanksgiving, itself, offers many great opportunities for awesome....ness... It's actually the next day that I would like to focus on. The much more spontaneous and exciting (and deadly) Black Friday! We all know its the one day of the year with extreme discounts for the upcoming Christmas season. This whole idea is fantastic! Gather together hundreds of thrifty (and usually well-mannered) adults and race them with no rules and promises of discounts! Well... maybe not all that fantastic.

But recently I've noticed that there are a few things that are not discounted on Black Friday. Some of these are: Airplane tickets, tuition, taxes, my phone bill, speeding tickets, and of course, Babies. That frustrates me actually! I think that having a baby should be cheaper if you are able to hit that little window! Just surprise the people and tell them, "In honor of the upcoming Christmas season, this baby will be 50% off the usual price." Babies are expensive, ok?

The only problem would be when people started to catch on and started to do the math and aim for Black Friday for the baby's due date. "The rest of the year contains 40% of new births, and then the weeks around Thanksgiving has the other 60%. We had to kick out some cancer patients and one man who fell off some scaffolding to make room for the influx of babies last year" Dr McAwesome will say. (***Note: Dr McAwesome is not real. He did not actually or will ever say this, probably. Do not try to find him. Or send him hundreds of Hoops and Yoyo singing cards to 12563 Strawberry Hill Ave, Stamford, CT 06902)

Despite this little issue that may arise. I think its a great idea!

Also as an announcement. The votes have been counted and the holiday we will be celebrating is on January 3rd - festival of sleep day! Bring your pillow, teddy bear, blanket, etc and don't get out of bed all day! Looking forward to it! (Also, Cassie wins the prize for most persuasive argument. She will be recieving her own complimentary "Puddingwife" Dental Floss! Congrats Cassie!)

Go America!